The case of the missing 20ft Bob the Builder

My daughter Holly and neice Katy were involved in a very strange phenomenon. When going out they passed a 20ft Bob the Builder but later on in the night he just totally disappeared. This caused them some distress and rang me to inform me of their dilemma.

l went out and found them but (here is the strange part) when l did, Bob the Builder reappeared again!

There are strange forces out there!

Desperado ... The Eagles and other lyrics

There are some songs in one's life that seem to hit an accord. This song for me is one of those. The lyrics have so much relevance to me. Not the 'Desperado' label though ;-) ... l ain't no tough guy! l view the lyrics how others can see me but not how l see myself . lt's as though they interpret my actions in a totally different way and have no real understanding but in the end do we know anyone but ouselves?

l've always been a loner. lt's not as though l don't enjoy company, l do but l also have to have time to myself and it seems only my family can understand this. Why am l like this? ... l don't know ... l just am. My take on it is you can put me in an empty field and l won't wander but put a fence round it and l feel trapped so must escape.

My relationships have tended to be like this. l don't try to control anyone and believe that everyone should have their freedom but this brings forth accussations of l don't care. This couldn't be further from the truth. l do care but l expect others to treat me the same way and have realised lately that this is somewhat unobtainable. As l've got older l've become more and more independent and don't actually 'need' anything from partners. l could jump to another song lyric for this but slightly altered ' l want you, l love you ... but there aint anyway l'm ever going to need you ... but don't be sad cos 2 out of 3 ain't bad' ;-). The 'need' is actually doing things for me but l've done everything for myself for so long l don't 'need' from anyone. lt's not that l don't appreciate when things are done for me ... the problem is that l don't ask (l did at one time but the answer was 'no' ... ouch!) and do everything myself which tends to upset partners who then form the wrong opinion entirely. Think l should add another lyric here ... 'l won't say l'm a good man but l would be if l could' ;-)

'The Queen of Diamonds' has been in my life although there have, l'm certain, been 'Queen of Hearts'. l don't see the lyrics as sad at all, l see only 'hope'.

'Maybe tomorrow, maybe tomorrow'

.................................................................................................................................................................

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?... You been out riding fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one, I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasing you can hurt you somehow.
Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy she'll beat you if she's able.
You know the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet
Now it seems to me, some fine things have been laid upon your table but you only want the ones that you can't get.

Desperado, oh, you ain't getting no younger.
Your pain and your hunger, they're driving you home.
And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talking.
Your prison is walking through this world all alone.

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine.
It's hard to tell the night time from the day.
You're loosing all your highs and lows .... ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fence, and open the gate.
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you.
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late.

(Reprise)

The Queen of Diamonds let you down ... she was just an empty fable
The Queen of Hearts you say you never met
Your twisted fate has found you out and it finally turned the tables
Stole your dreams and paid you with regret

Desperado ... (Is there gonna be anything left, is there gonna be anything?)
You sealed your fate up a long time ago ... (Ain't it hard when you're all alone in the centre ring?)
Now there's no time left to borrow .... (Is there gonna be anything left?)
Only stardust ... (Maybe tomorrow)
Maybe tomorrow
Maybe tomorrow
Desperado
Desperado

"You canna fool me ... there is a no Sanity Clause"

l feel no need to explain the heading. lf you have no idea what it means or where it is from ... tough! Tel would've known in an instant what it was and most likely followed it up with an impression. He was very good at them, infact too damn good! ;-)

Many moons ago, Tel told me about a new ATM that only dispensed money if you had already put money in. lt was impossible to go overdrawn with it. He was very impressed with it. There were however certain facts that he kept secret ... no doubt much to his amusement. Nice one Tel ... you got me! ;-)

Apologies are now in order to Tel as l had to break into his ATM machine! Those of you that knew him know what a master of technology he was. The ATM was guarded by a code that took all the capabilities of my powerful computer and knowledge of algorithms to break.

At times l was thinking 'l'm a geddin nowhere' but l persevered until the early hours and finally the ATM gave up it's secrets. As the high security door sprang open, the light flooded the internal vault of the ATM.

lt was an astounding sight to behold. For there for all to see and behold was ... in all it's splendour ... a much used and empty Barclays plastic coin bag!

The code that was used by Tel was indeed "a cunning plan" and some would say that by revealing this code would be an absolute revelation ...

so, l won't! ;-)